I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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