I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
