toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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