He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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