Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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