I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
