sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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