Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
