I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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