I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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