I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
