I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
