I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
