we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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