Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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