I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
