oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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