11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
