rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
