Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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