guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
