I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
