You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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