so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
