it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
