two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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