Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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