During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
