Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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