As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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