There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
