All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
