Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
