You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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