When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
