I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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