Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
