dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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