Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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