Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
