Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your cock deserves a montage
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
