Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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