Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
