I looked at my own cervix.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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