I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
