Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
