My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize