zippers are such a cool invention
The best revenge is premature balding
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
