I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
