I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize