Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am midnight drunk by noon
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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