I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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