what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
