He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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