"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
