The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
