having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
