it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize