You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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