do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
