you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am midnight drunk by noon
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she pinky promised me she was 18
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
