he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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