Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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