HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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