woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
