Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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