Me too!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
