Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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