also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
