Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
