My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
