so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you never un-have a 4some
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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