How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
now i know why i became what i already was.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
