so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
