I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We left the knife in your bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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