She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
