well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
